Family separations rarely arrive neatly organized. You may be trying to figure out how to co-parent, agree on living arrangements for your children, or navigate financial concerns—all while still processing the emotional impact of what has happened. Your first consultation does not require you to have every answer. It is an opportunity to put the facts in order, identify what needs attention and understand the choices available to you.
Begin with the facts, not the entire history
Write a short chronology of the events that brought you to the consultation. Include important dates, the people involved and any arrangements already in place. A clear sequence helps your attorney distinguish immediate legal concerns from background information. Keep original messages and documents rather than relying on memory alone.
You do not need to prove your whole case in the first meeting. Explain what you know, what you are unsure about and what you would like to resolve. If proceedings have already started, bring every court document you have received, including the date and manner of service. A summons or court order deserves attention before a general discussion about future plans.
Bring documents that explain your position
Your marital property regime can affect the advice you receive about assets and liabilities. Bring your marriage certificate and any antenuptial contract if these are relevant. Financial information should give an honest picture of your circumstances, not only the items you believe support your position. If something is unavailable, note who holds it and whether you have requested a copy.
- Identity documents and relevant marriage or birth certificates.
- Existing court orders, agreements and correspondence from attorneys.
- Recent payslips, bank statements and a list of assets and debts.
- A realistic schedule of household expenses and children's costs.
- A short list of the questions you most need answered.
Keep children's needs distinct from adult conflict
Where children are involved, describe their routines, schooling, health needs and existing care arrangements. Practical details matter: who collects them, where they live, how decisions are made and what arrangements are not working. Their best interests are central, and the appropriate outcome depends on their circumstances rather than a one-size-fits-all parenting formula.
Try to separate the disagreement with the other co-parent from concerns about the child's wellbeing. Preserve relevant information without involving children in the dispute or asking them to choose sides. If there are immediate safety concerns, explain these at the start of the meeting and ask about urgent assistance rather than waiting for ordinary negotiations.
Ask about process, cost and next steps
Useful questions include whether negotiation or mediation may be appropriate, which issues need a court's involvement and what further information is required. Ask how communication will work, what the proposed scope of assistance covers and how fees and expenses will be explained. A responsible discussion should help you understand uncertainty, not promise a guaranteed outcome.
Before you leave, clarify what you should do next, what the firm will do and which dates you must watch. Do not sign a proposed settlement merely because you feel pressured to end the conflict. Take advice on its practical and legal consequences. Preparation gives your attorney a clearer starting point; thoughtful guidance turns that information into a plan suited to your family.
Further reading
Department of Justice: divorce informationThis article provides general South African legal information, not advice for a particular matter. Law and procedures may change. Obtain individual advice before acting, and seek urgent assistance where a deadline or safety concern is involved.
